30 Questions.

I came across this list of questions and I decided to fill them out. Maybe I will learn something new about myself, yes? Here goes!

THE LIST:

1. List 20 random facts about yourself.  

•  I was named after "Stephanie" from Full House.
• I don't really know if  I am 4'10'' or 4'9''. I get a different reading every time.
• I am an obsessive worrier.
• I love One Tree Hill.
• Grey's Anatomy is a close second to One Tree Hill.
• I want to be a trauma surgeon.
• I love God. I am thankful that He forgives and redeems.
• I tell people I have two older brothers, but one is just my very best friend.
• I've never loved anyone like I love my nephew. It's unreal.
• I would eat cereal all day, every day if given the chance.
• I love apples, but I hate eating them.
• I have extreme social anxiety.
• I love to read.
• I love being in the Army. Most of the time.
• I want to backpack across Europe for my 25th anniversary.
• My dream vacation spot is Bermuda.
• I love love love tattoos.
• I get tunnel vision very easily.
• My favorite dog is a husky.
• I would rather have a monkey than any other animal.

2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.

• I am deathly afraid of jelly fish. When I was around 8-10 years old, I saw a show on the discovery channel about jellyfish in tropical waters. These jellyfish can sting you, and the poison can kill you in less than two hours if you don't get treated. I would rather see a shark than a jellyfish!
• I am terrified of the dark. I know I'm almost twenty and all, but I still cannot go outside in an unfamiliar place in the dark without nearly having a panic attack. It's unbelievable. I'm not sure how it became a fear, really. It's just always been there. Maybe I watch too many scary movies.
•  I panic when I think about getting older. I've always been a little bit afraid of it, but working in a hospital makes it worse. I see these people who are barely my grandparent's ages, and they can't walk, can't eat by themselves, can't do much of anything, and it terrifies me. I want to be healthy and feel young, and have a sense of living, even when I'm that old.

3. Describe your relationship with your parents.

• Um, unfortunately, I don't have a relationship with my biological parents. I do, however, have an "adopted" mom that I know I can count on and lean toward. She's been more of a parent than I could have hoped for. I love her. I try to call at least once or twice a week. 

4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.

• Reach out to God. He's there. He's waiting for you. All you have to do is turn around. His arms are open. His heart is full of love just for you.
• Love yourself, girl. No one else is going to love you the way God does except YOU.
• He is not the right guy for you. Don't keep going in these circles. You're going to stumble on such a wonderful, Godly man that your head is going to spin. Just be patient. Let go of someone who isn't right for you and doesn't love you the way you deserve to be loved.
• GO TO SCHOOL. I know it sucks, but, honey, you're going to be in school for another fifteen years. I know you work more than you should have to. I know you're tired. But it doesn't get easier, so just hold your head up, look to God for strength, and keep on keeping on.
• Seriously think about the friends you surround yourself with. Some of them are a little misguided.
• Cherish volleyball. Play with everything you have. Remember why you love it. You'll miss it.
• Enjoy summer vacation. It doesn't exist in the real world.
• DO NOT CUT YOUR HAIR. It takes forever to grow back. And man is it beautiful when it is long!
• Don't sacrifice your morals for anything or anyone. The people that care about you will never ask you to.
• Derek is SO cute, isn't he? Remember that. (: 

5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?

• God. My Father has the most perfect plans for me. Feeling that in my heart gives me a joy that is so boundless.
• My marriage. Derek and I are creating this life together, sharing our love for God and our love for each other.
• My job. I feel so fulfilled. I am blessed to be doing what I love. God's purpose for me lies in this, I know.
• My friends-we have all gone in separate directions, but we're all still together. That's real friendship. I know that we will carry this bond with us on whatever journeys we take.
• My future. I am impatient for it, but only because I know how great God has planned it to be. I know in my spirit that my dreams, Derek's dreams, our dreams, were put in our hearts by Yahweh Himself. 

6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?

• Learning forgiveness. It seems odd that I would label that an experience, but I do. It's a hard concept to grasp. I struggle with it more than anything else. 

7. What is your dream job, and why?

• I hope to be a trauma surgeon. I want to spend my first 5-8 years out of school in a trauma center. After that, I will be running mission trips to Africa. I just know that Africa is my calling. I always have. I want to make a difference. I want to help heal people, physically and mentally.

8. What are 5 passions you have?

• I am FINALLY getting passionate about God! It only took me nineteen years. Shew.
• My marriage-I want to find ways to make every day of our lives together better!
• My job-I love love love what I do. I love making a difference in people's lives.
• Volleyball-If given the chance, I would step back onto the court and spend DAYS just playing.
• LIFE!  This is the only mortal life we're given. I choose to love every second of it, even the not so great ones!

9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.

• My parents-For all of their transgressions, they have shown me who I don't want to be. They've given me the greatest lessons, ones that I still struggle with, like forgiveness. God uses them to continue pursuing me.
• My brother-He was the first one to ever protect me from anything. And the first one to ever blame me for trouble. (Ha ha). God knew that I would need someone to show me how to be strong. Whether Ryan knows it or not, he is a part of God's plan. 
• Derek-When I found him, I came home to our Yahweh. I am able to see God through Derek's eyes. He shows me grace, the same way our Father does. He shows me love and acceptance, the same way our Father does.
• Matt-Just like my parents, Matt has pushed me along with some hard learned lessons. 
• Cindy-"Mom". She has shown me what it is like to have a parent. She's given me a place to come home to, and the love that I thought I didn't deserve as a daughter. Sometimes the best family is the one you choose for yourself.
• Matt Rice-Recently, he's shown me what it really looks like to keep pushing through, even when it is easier to give up. What an awesome person and brother in law.
•  Cindy's parents-They just made it to their 50th anniversary. It gives me hope. 
• Marla-She did so amazing with raising Derek and Matt by herself. The love she has for them shines through them and pours into everyone around them. I am inspired by her strength over the last 26 years of their lives. I'm inspired at the way she raised them to be such good men.

That's only eight, but it's all I've got.
 

10. Describe your most embarrassing moment.

• Well, the most embarrassing moment that comes to mind right now is during my AIT graduation ceremony. I was walking off stage with a couple of awards in my hand, one of them being the case for a coin I had gotten. I made it all the way to my seat, and was about to sit down when the case for the coin slipped off of the top of the stack and fell onto the ground, making a loud "smack" in the middle of a silent auditorium. To make it worse, instead of picking it up, I just sat down and looked straight ahead, hoping people would pay more attention to the next person on stage than to me. So, a Sergeant in the next row stood up, picked it up, and handed it to me. I felt SO awkward for the rest of the ceremony. (And this happened at the beginning!)

11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.

• Drawers/doors being left open.
• Taking something out and not putting it away.
• Leaving dirty socks in your shoes, on the floor, under the couch cushions, etc.
• Clutter.
• Damp towels.
• Someone talking to me like I am five and can't understand basic concepts.
• Honking the horn.
• The bed not being made. 
• My stuttering when I am nervous or angry.
• Being told "It's okay" when I'm upset. 

12. Describe a typical day in your current life.

• Hm. Wake up at six, rush to get dressed, head on post by 0645, get the change-over report from night shift, start working. I work until four. Head home, spend time with Derek, eat dinner, try to sleep because I have to be up for work at six. (When I write it down, it sounds a lot less fun than it actually is. Ha ha.)

13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have.

• Independence-I don't ask for or accept help. I try to do and deal with everything by myself. It stresses me out more than I need to be stressed and it makes Derek feel like I don't trust him to help. I have way too much pride sometimes.
• I am not a morning person. Waking up early is my LEAST favorite thing to do. It makes me tired all day, even if I got enough sleep.
• I don't have the discipline to work out like I should. I'm pretty healthy, but I should work out more and I severely need to discipline myself to do so.
• I love to eat. Enough said.
• I don't know how to say "no" to people. I feel mean and unfair when I say no. If I tell someone no, it is usually in a text because I suck at it in person. 

14. Describe 5 strengths you have.

• Independence-I don't have to rely on other people, which makes it mean more when I choose to ask for help.
•  I know my Savior. That's the greatest strength of all. I rest in Him.
• I have strong convictions.
• I am honest, sometimes brutally so. I don't see the point in lying because I tend to forget and I will end up telling on myself within hours.
• When I love, I love completely. I fight for the people and things that I love. 

15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?

• I would be a monkey for no other reason than I love monkeys more than any other animal!

16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?

• Finding God.
• Making it through high school, even though I was on my own at fourteen.
• Becoming a wife.
• Graduating basic and AIT.
• Being forgiven and saved by His grace. 

17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?

• Oh, man. There's a few things. Singing, for one. Ha ha. I wish I could dance! I don't have to be great at it, just decent. Um, how about Chemistry, so I will do good at it in college!

18. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?

• My parents, both of them. Too many things to type about. Still learning how to forgive every single day. But I will get there.

19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?

• Right now, Germany! I want to be stationed there so I can spend three years seeing the world!

20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.

• When I first learned how to ride my bike, I was riding around the block and ran head on into a fence. I don't even know how I didn't see it in front of me!
• We used to play hide and seek in the dark. That is by far my favorite childhood memory.
• Being grounded to the bed is the WORST punishment I've ever had to endure. It is almost torture. 

21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?

• Oooh, I would SO have the power to read minds! Honestly, I would probably spend the first few days just listening and learning. I hope that never happens though, because I have the serious potential to abuse that power. Lol.

22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?

• It's easy to write down where I want to be in 5, 10, 15 years, but the truth of the matter is that I don't know. I have plans, but in reality, I will be where ever God decides to take me.

23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.

• Reading-It's my escape. I love to get lost in a book.
• Volleyball-Nothing compares to stepping onto the court for a good game.
• I want to learn to cook. Maybe that will become a hobby!
• This blog, or my tumblr. Stepheemarie.tumblr.com

I ran out of hobbies. Sigh.

 

24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now.

• The two are so different that I don't know words to describe it. Maybe because of how I've changed over time.

25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?

• Duh. Jesus. And man would I take him to a good Chinese restaurant!

26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?

• There are a lot of "popular notions" that the world has wrong. Compare the world with the Bible and you'll notice as well.

27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?

• My eyes. I think it is completely awesome that my eyes turn black when I'm angry.

28. What is your love language?

• I wish I could say that I knew what that meant, but I haven't read that book so I don't actually know what my love language is.

29. What do you think people misundertand most about you?

• I think a lot of people just get bad first impressions of me. They don't give themselves time to misunderstand anything, really.

30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.

• My love for God.
• Being living proof of Him and His love for us.
• My love for Derek.
• My love for other people.
• My abilities as a doctor.
• My willingness to help.
• My work ethic.
• My love for life.
• My truthfulness.
• My joy for life and everything in it.

Marriage.

I stumbled upon something today and it inspired me to write. It is a sermon given at a wedding; and it describes the purpose of marriage so perfectly.

"In your vows, you’re not saying one thing: better; richer; health. You’re saying two things: better or worse; richer or poorer; health or sickness.
 May God give you the strength and the love to keep these promises at those times when you don’t want to, and it seems like it would be easier to break them. Make no mistake marriage is not always easy. However, marriage has many joys! 
    Marriage is:
        Companionship in all of life’s paths
        Shared goals for happiness, family
        Unconditional support in good times and bad
        Knowing that two can do more than one
        Having someone to encourage you in the valleys of life
        Writing a story for your friends to read
As we close, I want to briefly look at why God designed marriage like He did:

   It is because he is so interested in YOU knowing how much He loves you that He was not content about being a big ‘ol invisible, intangible God out there in the universe that you only experience when you see a cool cloud arrangement in the sky with the sun shining through it…
        The best way to describe it is this… Michael, He wants Carmen to know His physical, tangible, in-her-presence love so much that he is putting you in her life as an instrument, a channel, to reflect it…to lay your life down for her whether you think she deserves it or not because that is what Christ did for her…that’s how much He loves Carmen. Carmen, He wants Michael to know His physical, tangible, in-his-presence love so much that he is putting you in his life as an instrument, a channel, to reflect it…because that is what Christ did for him…that’s how much He loves Michael.
    That is a huge responsibility. But wouldn't you want to be the recipient off that love?! That is the ideal and the target for marriage. This concept changes everything because it’s not about you…it’s about the love that God has for you both.
    As followers of Christ you need conduct your marriage in the shadow of a cross, with the knowledge that He died for us. And if you truly want to say thank you to Him, then He wants you to go home and channel all that gratitude in the eye and heart of each other."

 I love the way that God's design for marriage is described in this. Derek and I have talked about this many times. We've been married a little over a year, and though that is a very short time in the grand scheme of life, I feel like we have learned so much about marriage and God in the past year. I firmly believe that the sole purpose of our relationships on Earth are to be mirrors of our relationship with Him. When I sit back and let the love that I have for Derek wash over me, it is overwhelmingly strong, powerful, beautiful-it's beyond anything I could have ever dreamed for myself. And I am reminded that as strongly and purely as I love Derek, our Yahweh loves us more. Our marriage gives us a window into His heart. We couldn't possibly fathom all of His love, but through our marriage, we are able to glimpse the perfectness of Him. As said above, we are channels to reflect His love for us. I think that's how you make a marriage work-remember those things. When rough patches sneak up, when there doesn't seem to be an up side, remember that God is there, working front and center in your marriage. He is tangible because He IS the love that you share.