16 April 2012

I wish that I knew what to say to make you understand my side of this. Nothing I tell you makes a difference. Nothing I do will even have an effect on your opinion of the situation. And what kills me, is this is NEVER going to change. And she will continue to stand in the background while our family is torn apart over her. She will stand back there and be satisfied because she finally feels like she's won. She can jump on the phone and start off by saying "Listen here you little whore," but my telling her how I feel about her as a person is uncalled for. My stating FACTS is uncalled for. All I've done is ruin your life. Have you ONCE thought about the fact that I completely skipped being a teenager, how you messed up my life? Ever? Probably not. You say I had other choices, but you are wrong. You REFUSED to believe that she was doing what I accused her of. You, my FATHER, refused to protect me at fourteen years old. I was a CHILD. What else could I do? I left to protect myself because you didn't want to face facts and do your job as a parent. So no, I had no other choices. And you never even made an effort to stop me. You allowed me to leave because you knew that it would make your marriage easier if we weren't fighting anymore. You let a child walk out of your house and onto her own so your life would be easier. I hate you for that. I hate you for the way I had to learn to take care of myself. I hate the way I became responsible and safe and adult. No child should ever have to feel that way. I love you because you are my dad, because I know what kind of man and father you USED to be. But as I told you last night, that man has been gone for a long time. Who I am today has everything to do with knowing exactly who I don't want to be. My children will never have to second guess their priority in my life. Never. There is never a reason that someone should tell her husband that he shouldn't talk to his children. And you LISTENED. You JUSTIFIED that request. And you blamed me for her choices. You said that I ruined your life. You said that I ruined your marriage. No. You should rethink your words. You should rethink the choices you have made. I am done. I went nineteen years without a mother. I've made it through the last six without you. I can certainly go another twenty years just the same. I despise everything about who she is;especially because of who she has turned you into. Continue to blame me. I mess everything up. I ruined your life. Fine. I can take that. You should have left me with my mother, then. That's okay. You will have no reason to blame me for anything. You have no reason to contact me. I hope that my children never ask about you. I hope that she is enough. I hope that everything works out without me being there to mess it up. But please do me the favor of staying out of my life. I'd rather have no parents.

03 April 2012

In my opinion, if you are going to come to me for advice that you do not intend on even considering, then there is no reason for you to ask it. I understand you're hurting. I am always willing to help you in any way I can because I am your friend and I love you. BUT, when you put yourself into these situations, and then allow someone to treat you as if you are disposable, and you repeatedly, purposefully return to this person, then there is no reason for me to waste my breath trying to help. Someone can only do to you what YOU ALLOW. No more and no less. If you do not like the way you are being treated, looked at, referred to, etc., then you CHANGE IT. You have to take the first steps to make your life better. Nobody can do that for you. And if you repeatedly make the conscious decision to walk back into that situation, then do not be surprised and hurt when you repeatedly get the same results. You can't change HIM. You can only change yourself and your decisions. You choose to allow him to use and dispose of you as he pleases. Strength is a CHOICE. You can choose to be strong and give your son a positive role model to learn from. You can choose to make sure that you are treated with respect and dignity. You can choose to be with somebody that loves you the way a person deserves to be loved. You can choose a healthy relationship. Instead, you CHOOSE weakness. You CHOOSE to show your son that you prefer a "man" that can not be faithful, a "man" without a shred of integrity, a BOY in every sense of the word. And it is that kind of "man" that your are bringing into your son's world, demonstrating to him that it is okay to treat a female as if she is a toy, because she will always come back; Because she refuses to choose strength and dignity instead. These are all choices. They are not coincidences that randomly befall you. They are not circumstances beyond your control. Every bit of the pain you feel right now is self-inflicted. I do not empathize with that. I sympathize. I feel pity for that. But I do not condone irrational decisions based on your belief that being used and essentially thrown aside causes you less pain and does less damage than to walk away and CHOOSE yourself. Love SHOULD NOT make you unhappy. Love should not make you feel like you are trapped because you CAN'T live without that person. That is the wrong idea of love and it is not healthy. Love, in the right circumstances, is meant to LIFT YOU UP. Love is meant to show you the GRACE that god has taken on our souls and our lives on Earth. Love is supposed to give you a small glimpse of the love our Father has for us. Love is meant to make you want to better yourself. Instead you use it as a reason to stay in a crappy situation that makes you unhappy. You use it as a reason to choose weakness. You use it as a justification to allow yourself to be used. Love is not a justification. It shouldn't have to be. Remember that when you get that text: "We can't talk. My girlfriend is coming into town."