July 22, 2010

Hm. I find that today, for the first time in what seems like forever, I woke up happy. Not just in a good mood, but actually happy. I'd forgotten what it feels like. Derek keeps getting sweeter and sweeter. I keep waiting for that to change. I'm going to be an assistant manager at work. More headaches. Lol. But I'll be making 6.50 plus tips&that's always good. Senior year is only twenty days away. My birthday is only seventeen days away. I still can't believe I'm about to be eighteen. It doesn't seem that way. Things are changing quickly. All of us are planning to go to florida for christmas break-it's our last year together and we wanna do something big. After this all we'll have is holidays. I'm excited and anxious. So many different things at once. I know that I can't wait though. I also know that Derek makes me smile. He makes me laugh again. It's different. Matt comes home in a week. I'm hoping we'll be able to salvage our friendship. I do miss him. But anyways;long day ahead. Work later. I'll write again soon. (:

July 15, 2010

Everything changes;There's nothing more true than that. It can happen quicker than we realize. Matt cheated. That, I could've gotten over. It was with my best friend. That's the part that makes me sick. All I can ever see us being again is friends&that hurts. But I'm striving to more forward every day. I've finally sworn in. Two years active duty, four years reserve. I got the job I wanted. I almost couldn't believe it&now that the excitement is wearing off, I'm anxious. Haha. Volleyball's starting. I've only met the new coach once-we'll see how it goes. It was like a weight being lifted when I stepped on the court though. I've missed the hell out of it. I had my first dream of Grandma since she died. I woke up thinking she was still alive. It broke my heart all over again. She should be here to see all of this happening. She would've loved to see me growing up and finally starting to make my dreams happen. I hope she would've been proud. Ryan says he's proud of me. I don't see why. I haven't done anything. Senior year coming up. I'll be eighteen in less than a month. I'm leaving in 363 days. I hope I have a chance to enjoy this year before it goes to quickly. I'm a crew leader at work now. I hate it. Lol. Derek and I have been talking. I'm not sure where it'll lead. I'm not sure of anything right now. I just know that things are changing. I'm terrified of that;anxious at the same time. It's time for change. I just hope it's good change, for once.