Growing Pains and Lessons Learned

I'm sitting here on my couch beside Derek, eating heated up Chinese food and I can't help but think of how much growing up hurts. My dad is moving to Indiana this weekend. I don't know what I'm going to do with him being two states away. I'm not ready for this. I know that I've been on my own for almost four years now, but he's always been no more than an hour away. I feel...scared and a little left behind, which is stupid because I'll be leaving in a matter of months...But I'm not ready to let go yet. I thought I would have longer with my family. I thought they would be at the hotel when I left. Instead, I'll be saying goodbye in four days rather than four months. It makes me sad. The only upside is that I am learning that being sad or upset or mad doesn't necessarily mean that I am unhappy. I used to think that I could not be happy and upset about something at the same time. But I'm learning just how possible that is. I get sad or upset or mad at situations; but I am happy with my life. I wake up in the mornings. I come home every day to Derek Michael Rice. I smile more than I frown. This is happiness. And at the end of every day, no matter how stressful it is, I am noticing that I am smiling. So even though I feel unprepared for my dad leaving, I will take this as a learning opportunity. I will take this as a chance to see what I am made of. And though I'll be sad, I'll know that it is okay to feel that way. I will know that it does not betray my happiness in any way to sometimes feel sad or stressed. And for the next 138 days, I will make it my mission to smile and welcome happiness. I will make it my goal to spend as much time with the people that are here, because they are the people that make my life full. And I will remember that although he is two states away, he is only a phone call away; and because of the way he raised me, he is in my head and my heart with every decision I make. So ready or not, here life comes.

21 February 2011

Only 139 days left. It sounds like a lot, but so did "a year" back in July, Now there's less than five months left and I can't decide if I'm excited or scared. I just can't picture my life after leaving here. I can't even begin to describe how much I will miss everyone. I can't imagine leaving Derek. But I can't wait to be a medic, either. I know that this is what I was meant to do and I'm beyond excited to see it all within my reach. I've done a lot of thinking about me and my life in general lately. I'm trying to be a better person. I have a long ass way to go though. Haha. Derek makes it easier though. He is a lot more than I deserve. I'm changing jobs next month. Taco bell in Knoxville. It's going to be weird to be away from Sonic, but I think it'll be less stressful. Maybe I won't bring work home so much, I got my first car! A 1998 Kia Sportage. I love it! I've gotta get up and running now. I'll write again soon.