"That ol' sun comes up every mornin'
And goes back down at the end of every day
It's just that way."
Some days I just wish night would last forever. No more getting up for school and work. Out of 168 hours in a week, I'm at school thirty-five hours and at work another thirty or forty. I am so tired all the time. I just don't know what I'm doing wasting away what is supposed to be the best time in my life. &&I can never seem to know what I want. Follow heart or mind? It should be an easy choice, but it's not. I've pretty much made up my mind that I'm going active&&I'm so so scared. I don't like telling people that. I'm petrified. What if I get so scared that I freeze. What if I can't do my job. There's always so many things running through my mind. No one to share any of it with. Who would understand. Joey asked me if I'd been to church lately. I wish I could have said "Of course." But I don't think that I could ever walk back into a church and feel at home. I listen to preachers and I read bible verses, and all I think about is how naive everyone is for believing any of it. Gah. I don't even know what I'm writing about. I want to be fearless. I want to love waking up and facing each day again. I used to be like that. Idk what happened. I want to stop closing myself off. I have zero trust.
Now on to a new rant. I deserve to be treated so differently. I have zero trust because no one EVER proves themselves. No one follows through on their words anymore. This world has come to shit. I deserve to be treated better. &&My saying this is directed at one person. He/She knows who they are. I am DONE. This friendship will never be the same. I finally give up&&it tears me apart to say that. I've spent the last week miserable over this decision but I am not going to be hurt by you any more. I never thought it would affect me like this to lose you as a friend; I was wrong. Your bullshitting days should have ended a year ago. I proved myself to you&&when it was your turn to do the same, you tucked your tail and ran like a dog. Friends don't hurt friends. As much as this hurts, letting you keep this up hurts even worse. Waiting&&wondering;it's just not worth it. I'm letting go&&I'm hoping you grow up soon.
Ugh. It seems like I'm always bitching. I'm not. I always write better when I am though. Haha.
Ughhhh. I'm so frustrated all the time. I don't know what I want. I don't know why I'm so restless.
And goes back down at the end of every day
It's just that way."
Some days I just wish night would last forever. No more getting up for school and work. Out of 168 hours in a week, I'm at school thirty-five hours and at work another thirty or forty. I am so tired all the time. I just don't know what I'm doing wasting away what is supposed to be the best time in my life. &&I can never seem to know what I want. Follow heart or mind? It should be an easy choice, but it's not. I've pretty much made up my mind that I'm going active&&I'm so so scared. I don't like telling people that. I'm petrified. What if I get so scared that I freeze. What if I can't do my job. There's always so many things running through my mind. No one to share any of it with. Who would understand. Joey asked me if I'd been to church lately. I wish I could have said "Of course." But I don't think that I could ever walk back into a church and feel at home. I listen to preachers and I read bible verses, and all I think about is how naive everyone is for believing any of it. Gah. I don't even know what I'm writing about. I want to be fearless. I want to love waking up and facing each day again. I used to be like that. Idk what happened. I want to stop closing myself off. I have zero trust.
Now on to a new rant. I deserve to be treated so differently. I have zero trust because no one EVER proves themselves. No one follows through on their words anymore. This world has come to shit. I deserve to be treated better. &&My saying this is directed at one person. He/She knows who they are. I am DONE. This friendship will never be the same. I finally give up&&it tears me apart to say that. I've spent the last week miserable over this decision but I am not going to be hurt by you any more. I never thought it would affect me like this to lose you as a friend; I was wrong. Your bullshitting days should have ended a year ago. I proved myself to you&&when it was your turn to do the same, you tucked your tail and ran like a dog. Friends don't hurt friends. As much as this hurts, letting you keep this up hurts even worse. Waiting&&wondering;it's just not worth it. I'm letting go&&I'm hoping you grow up soon.
Ugh. It seems like I'm always bitching. I'm not. I always write better when I am though. Haha.
Ughhhh. I'm so frustrated all the time. I don't know what I want. I don't know why I'm so restless.
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