03 April 2012

In my opinion, if you are going to come to me for advice that you do not intend on even considering, then there is no reason for you to ask it. I understand you're hurting. I am always willing to help you in any way I can because I am your friend and I love you. BUT, when you put yourself into these situations, and then allow someone to treat you as if you are disposable, and you repeatedly, purposefully return to this person, then there is no reason for me to waste my breath trying to help. Someone can only do to you what YOU ALLOW. No more and no less. If you do not like the way you are being treated, looked at, referred to, etc., then you CHANGE IT. You have to take the first steps to make your life better. Nobody can do that for you. And if you repeatedly make the conscious decision to walk back into that situation, then do not be surprised and hurt when you repeatedly get the same results. You can't change HIM. You can only change yourself and your decisions. You choose to allow him to use and dispose of you as he pleases. Strength is a CHOICE. You can choose to be strong and give your son a positive role model to learn from. You can choose to make sure that you are treated with respect and dignity. You can choose to be with somebody that loves you the way a person deserves to be loved. You can choose a healthy relationship. Instead, you CHOOSE weakness. You CHOOSE to show your son that you prefer a "man" that can not be faithful, a "man" without a shred of integrity, a BOY in every sense of the word. And it is that kind of "man" that your are bringing into your son's world, demonstrating to him that it is okay to treat a female as if she is a toy, because she will always come back; Because she refuses to choose strength and dignity instead. These are all choices. They are not coincidences that randomly befall you. They are not circumstances beyond your control. Every bit of the pain you feel right now is self-inflicted. I do not empathize with that. I sympathize. I feel pity for that. But I do not condone irrational decisions based on your belief that being used and essentially thrown aside causes you less pain and does less damage than to walk away and CHOOSE yourself. Love SHOULD NOT make you unhappy. Love should not make you feel like you are trapped because you CAN'T live without that person. That is the wrong idea of love and it is not healthy. Love, in the right circumstances, is meant to LIFT YOU UP. Love is meant to show you the GRACE that god has taken on our souls and our lives on Earth. Love is supposed to give you a small glimpse of the love our Father has for us. Love is meant to make you want to better yourself. Instead you use it as a reason to stay in a crappy situation that makes you unhappy. You use it as a reason to choose weakness. You use it as a justification to allow yourself to be used. Love is not a justification. It shouldn't have to be. Remember that when you get that text: "We can't talk. My girlfriend is coming into town."