16 April 2012

I wish that I knew what to say to make you understand my side of this. Nothing I tell you makes a difference. Nothing I do will even have an effect on your opinion of the situation. And what kills me, is this is NEVER going to change. And she will continue to stand in the background while our family is torn apart over her. She will stand back there and be satisfied because she finally feels like she's won. She can jump on the phone and start off by saying "Listen here you little whore," but my telling her how I feel about her as a person is uncalled for. My stating FACTS is uncalled for. All I've done is ruin your life. Have you ONCE thought about the fact that I completely skipped being a teenager, how you messed up my life? Ever? Probably not. You say I had other choices, but you are wrong. You REFUSED to believe that she was doing what I accused her of. You, my FATHER, refused to protect me at fourteen years old. I was a CHILD. What else could I do? I left to protect myself because you didn't want to face facts and do your job as a parent. So no, I had no other choices. And you never even made an effort to stop me. You allowed me to leave because you knew that it would make your marriage easier if we weren't fighting anymore. You let a child walk out of your house and onto her own so your life would be easier. I hate you for that. I hate you for the way I had to learn to take care of myself. I hate the way I became responsible and safe and adult. No child should ever have to feel that way. I love you because you are my dad, because I know what kind of man and father you USED to be. But as I told you last night, that man has been gone for a long time. Who I am today has everything to do with knowing exactly who I don't want to be. My children will never have to second guess their priority in my life. Never. There is never a reason that someone should tell her husband that he shouldn't talk to his children. And you LISTENED. You JUSTIFIED that request. And you blamed me for her choices. You said that I ruined your life. You said that I ruined your marriage. No. You should rethink your words. You should rethink the choices you have made. I am done. I went nineteen years without a mother. I've made it through the last six without you. I can certainly go another twenty years just the same. I despise everything about who she is;especially because of who she has turned you into. Continue to blame me. I mess everything up. I ruined your life. Fine. I can take that. You should have left me with my mother, then. That's okay. You will have no reason to blame me for anything. You have no reason to contact me. I hope that my children never ask about you. I hope that she is enough. I hope that everything works out without me being there to mess it up. But please do me the favor of staying out of my life. I'd rather have no parents.