11 May 2012
Inspiration
Sometimes I think we try to take on the entire weight of the world; We put it on our shoulders and walk around weighted down because we feel like that's what we should be doing. We forget that our time here is fleeting. We forget that all of these things we work for can't go with us when it's our time to say "goodbye". We forget to enjoy the little things. We forget that our God is great and though our human shoulders and hearts cannot handle that much weight for an extended period of time, His strength and His heart are boundless, and He can. I'm good at that-the forgetting thing. I am great at worrying. Probably borderline obsessive compulsive, actually. I get caught up in worrying if the bills are getting paid, and how much is going to gas, and how much is being spent elsewhere. I get caught up in worrying about money, and work, and how clean the house is. I forget that laughter is beautiful. I forget that it is amazing to just walk outside on a sunny day and look around at the beauty our Father has blessed us with. I forget that just laying around the house with my husband is fun and fulfilling. I always have to be moving, doing something, being productive. But I need to open my eyes and look around. There is so much to be inspired by, so much to smile and laugh about. There is so much to praise God about. Everything always works out. It will fall into place, even if I don't check the bank account four times a day. The bills will get paid on time, even if I don't check them at least once a day to make sure they aren't due. I'm great at being responsible. I'm great at walking around like nothing's wrong, all the while balancing a mountain of stress on my shoulders. Now, I just have to get great at enjoying the health, and love, and friends that God has given me.
08 May 2012
Forgiveness;
“Anger is the right response to something that is so wrong. But don't
let the anger and pain and loss you feel prevent you from forgiving him
and removing your hands from around his neck.”
“Forgiveness is first for you, the forgiver...to release you from something that will eat you alive; that will destroy your joy and your ability to love fully and openly. Do you think this man cares about the pain and torment you have gone through? If anything, he feeds on that knowledge. Don't you want to cut that off? And in doing so, you'll release him from a burden that he carries whether he knows it or not--acknowledges it or not.”
“Forgiveness is not about forgetting. It is about letting go of another person's throat. Forgiveness does not create a relationship. Unless people speak the truth about what they have done and change their mind and behavior, a relationship of trust is not possible. When you forgive someone you certainly release them from judgment, but without true change, no real relationship can be established. Forgiveness in no way requires that you trust the one you forgive. But should they finally confess and repent, you will discover a miracle in your own heart that allows you to reach out and begin to build between you a bridge of reconciliation. Forgiveness does not excuse anything. You may have to declare your forgiveness a hundred times the first day and the second day, but the third day will be less and each day after, until one day you will realize that you have forgiven completely. And then one day you will pray for his wholeness.”-The Shack
I want to let go of your throat. I want to let go of hers. I don't want to keep this bitterness inside of me any longer. I deserve to be free of it. God wants me to be free of it. Close to a month ago, as I was driving to church, I was explaining some of the situation to my battle in the passenger seat next to me. We spoke about my wanting to one day be in a place to forgive you, but that I just wasn't there yet. Though the situation was not new to me, the hurt was still fresh, and I wanted to be angry and grieve just a little bit longer. And then God let me know just how strongly he stood against those feelings of mine. I sat in church, prepared to listen, wanting to be open to the message that would be given-and though he had a completely different subject typed up and ready to be spoken on, our speaker felt compelled to discuss fathers and forgiveness. He spoke about feelings of betrayal, being pushed away, being bitter and resentful towards his father-and continued to talk about forgiveness. How that hatred buries us, how it distorts our view, how it pulls us away from our one true Father's love. And for only the second time in my life, I knew that He, my Yahweh, was talking directly to me. I cried. I prayed for you. I prayed for her. I prayed for His help in finding forgiveness in what seemed to be an ocean of hurt. And it has taken me a while to find words and heart to say this to you, but I forgive you. I will probably have to say it a hundred times today, probably two hundred tomorrow. I will probably have to say it for a long time before it becomes one hundred percent true, but I know that I am on the right path. The hurt, it's still there. It might always be there. The resentment, I fight it every day, and eventually, God will wash it out of my soul. I still feel like you have wronged me so many times, in so many ways, but I refuse to let my anger control me. I put the quote in because I need you to understand what forgiveness is, in my heart. My forgiveness is not an invitation back into my life. Right now, I don't think that's possible. It may not be possible, ever. Forgiveness does not require a relationship-and I don't want one. I don't want one with her, I don't want one with you. The circles we have run for the past seven years have grown tiring, and they only aid in the resentment that I've harbored. I don't deserve to be cussed and and told that I've ruined someone's life. I don't deserve her cussing and calling me things. I choose not to allow that in my life and IF the day ever comes, into my children's life. I admit that I attacked her the day I sent the initial message. I should not have cussed or called her any names. But I still believe ignoring something is the same as condoning it, and that I won't do. So I will not put myself into a situation that can explode like that again. If and when you are willing to listen to me, without first thinking of a rebuttal to anything I have to say, I am willing to listen to you. Not before, not with your foot halfway in and halfway out.
“Forgiveness is first for you, the forgiver...to release you from something that will eat you alive; that will destroy your joy and your ability to love fully and openly. Do you think this man cares about the pain and torment you have gone through? If anything, he feeds on that knowledge. Don't you want to cut that off? And in doing so, you'll release him from a burden that he carries whether he knows it or not--acknowledges it or not.”
“Forgiveness is not about forgetting. It is about letting go of another person's throat. Forgiveness does not create a relationship. Unless people speak the truth about what they have done and change their mind and behavior, a relationship of trust is not possible. When you forgive someone you certainly release them from judgment, but without true change, no real relationship can be established. Forgiveness in no way requires that you trust the one you forgive. But should they finally confess and repent, you will discover a miracle in your own heart that allows you to reach out and begin to build between you a bridge of reconciliation. Forgiveness does not excuse anything. You may have to declare your forgiveness a hundred times the first day and the second day, but the third day will be less and each day after, until one day you will realize that you have forgiven completely. And then one day you will pray for his wholeness.”-The Shack
I want to let go of your throat. I want to let go of hers. I don't want to keep this bitterness inside of me any longer. I deserve to be free of it. God wants me to be free of it. Close to a month ago, as I was driving to church, I was explaining some of the situation to my battle in the passenger seat next to me. We spoke about my wanting to one day be in a place to forgive you, but that I just wasn't there yet. Though the situation was not new to me, the hurt was still fresh, and I wanted to be angry and grieve just a little bit longer. And then God let me know just how strongly he stood against those feelings of mine. I sat in church, prepared to listen, wanting to be open to the message that would be given-and though he had a completely different subject typed up and ready to be spoken on, our speaker felt compelled to discuss fathers and forgiveness. He spoke about feelings of betrayal, being pushed away, being bitter and resentful towards his father-and continued to talk about forgiveness. How that hatred buries us, how it distorts our view, how it pulls us away from our one true Father's love. And for only the second time in my life, I knew that He, my Yahweh, was talking directly to me. I cried. I prayed for you. I prayed for her. I prayed for His help in finding forgiveness in what seemed to be an ocean of hurt. And it has taken me a while to find words and heart to say this to you, but I forgive you. I will probably have to say it a hundred times today, probably two hundred tomorrow. I will probably have to say it for a long time before it becomes one hundred percent true, but I know that I am on the right path. The hurt, it's still there. It might always be there. The resentment, I fight it every day, and eventually, God will wash it out of my soul. I still feel like you have wronged me so many times, in so many ways, but I refuse to let my anger control me. I put the quote in because I need you to understand what forgiveness is, in my heart. My forgiveness is not an invitation back into my life. Right now, I don't think that's possible. It may not be possible, ever. Forgiveness does not require a relationship-and I don't want one. I don't want one with her, I don't want one with you. The circles we have run for the past seven years have grown tiring, and they only aid in the resentment that I've harbored. I don't deserve to be cussed and and told that I've ruined someone's life. I don't deserve her cussing and calling me things. I choose not to allow that in my life and IF the day ever comes, into my children's life. I admit that I attacked her the day I sent the initial message. I should not have cussed or called her any names. But I still believe ignoring something is the same as condoning it, and that I won't do. So I will not put myself into a situation that can explode like that again. If and when you are willing to listen to me, without first thinking of a rebuttal to anything I have to say, I am willing to listen to you. Not before, not with your foot halfway in and halfway out.
03 May 2012
Sin is sin.
I just saw this yesterday, and I felt the need to write on it. "How come Christians who fight to ban gay marriage legally, don't fight just as hard for anti-divorce laws?" My opinion, which is subject to fallibility because I AM human, is this. I don't think this statement was meant AGAINST gays at all. The person that wrote this was addressing other "Christians." He was stating that these people who fight to protect the sanctity of marriage aren't protecting it at all. Even within heterosexuality, there are MANY people not protecting our covenant with God. Divorce is a bigger problem is this world than homosexuality, but some of these "Christians" do not want to address that issue. THAT is what his statement was pointing out.
Sin is sin. No one sin is greater than the other. That is CLEARLY stated in the bible. It isn't an opinion. It is God saying that in His eyes, and His are the only ones that matter in the end, a lie is the same as murder. Lust is the same as adultery. Homosexuality is a sin. The word used to describe it in the bible is "detestable". The act of homosexuality, in God's eyes, is detestable. That being said, though not CLEARLY stated in exact words, the Bible also says that divorce is a sin. "Therefore, what God has joined together, let no man separate." That's black and white. God joins us in marriage. It is not our prerogative to tear apart what He Himself has decreed to be "one". It may not clearly say "hey, humans, just for your information, divorce is sinful.", but it is extremely clear where our Father stands on the issue. The Bible isn't an opinion. It doesn't say "It's up to you to interpret what is wrong and what isn't." Those things are in black and white. The law, as seen in God's eyes, is laid down right there. It isn't up for debate. We don't pick and choose what parts we want to follow and what parts we don't. They are all the same to Him. They are all detestable. That being said, we are ALL sinners. Not one of us on this planet has clean hands. We have all told a lie. We have all lusted after someone. We have all reveled in sin at one point or another. There is no justification in it, but it is the sad truth. There is no way to become clean but through Him. That is what separates the saved from the not. His blood continually cleanses us. Notice the word. Cleanses. To be clean is very different from being sterile. Sterility is something that has not yet been contaminated. Jesus, in a sense, could be considered sterile. The definition of "cleanse" is "to become clean". Something that is cleansed has already been contaminated. The dirt and the filth have been wiped away, maybe sanitized. It looks a whole lot better, even smells better. But something that was once contaminated and has been cleaned is not considered sterile. He cleanses us. He doesn't make us sterile. We are still contaminated with the urge to sin. We are still contaminated with human wants, desires, and actions. We are all subject to mistakes. That is why his blood continually cleanses-because we continually sin. Even the saved. His love is our saving grace. His mercy is what cleanses us. That isn't to say that since we are all sinners, that our mistakes are excusable and thanks to his grace, we can continue to masquerade as Christians while willfully and purposefully sinning. His love saves us. And just like in a relationship, when we come into contact with a love THAT strong, and we make it our priority to show how thankful we are for said love, our actions begin to change. Loving Him, and knowing His love for us will change a person. For a long time-close to eight years-I did not step foot into a church because of the hypocrisy of some establishments and some people. Because of human mistakes, I saw God as something other than who He is. Through the love that I share with my husband, I have been able to better see who God REALLY is-Don't you see that THIS is the point of our human relationships? To better see Him. He knew that our limited understandings could not grasp his exponential love for us. So he allows us a glimpse of it in our relationships with others. I would do anything for the people I love-some people phrase it as "I would take a bullet for them." Unfortunately, some things are just not within my ability. So when I think about that, I think about how much my ability to love is multiplied when it comes to His ability to love, and I realize that nothing is outside of his reach-He DID do whatever it took to convince us of His love-even sacrificing His own life. Through Him, and only Him, are we made new. And with that, comes a responsibility to love other people the same way He has shown us love. We say that some people don't deserve love-neither do we. But He gave it anyways. So should we. There is a big difference in judging another with condemnation in our eyes, and judging another with love-and THAT is where I feel like a lot of Christians have trouble. It is hard to walk that line. God DOES judge. He doesn't do it for condemnation purposes. He does it out of love. We should do the same. There is no one but Him holier than anyone. So remember when you point, that it opens you up to be pointed at as well. And that's okay. I do not get upset with my friends and family for pointing out that there is a smudge on my face, or that something is stuck in my teeth-and why should I? They are being helpful and pointing out what is so obviously out of place. So why, then are we so quick to point out a flaw in someone else's character, but refuse to see the flaws in our own. THAT is the difference between judging with condemnation and judging with love. He judges with love. So should we. Hate the sin, love the sinner. It is okay to tell someone, "Hey, friend. I love you, but I feel like what you are doing is wrong. I'm not going to try to curb your rights as a person. I'm not going to force you to submit to Him. I'm letting you know where He stands, therefore where I stand, and only you can make your decision. I'm going to love you anyways. I'm here." That's what He does. He doesn't force us to submit to Him. He tells us where He stands. He demonstrates His love. And He allows us to take part in that relationship if we so choose. The problem today is that so many people see God as a ruler in a heiarchy-and that blinds them. Pride hears the word "submit" and it immediately starts shaking it's head and repetitively saying "no". Yes, He is our king. But he is also our Father, our Abba, our Yahweh. We treat our parents with respect, love, and reverence. He is THE parent. The Father. We are his children. The difference is that when a parent says "no" or "not now", they are doing what they FEEL is right for us. God is doing what He KNOWS is right. People praise their parents every day. Why can't we praise Him? Children submit to parents-why can't we submit to the ultimate Father? I got off my main point for writing this-but I think it all ties in. When we learn to love like Him, we learn to see people the way He does. We learn how to step back and let God be God. We learn the difference between condemning and loving. We learn.
Sin is sin. No one sin is greater than the other. That is CLEARLY stated in the bible. It isn't an opinion. It is God saying that in His eyes, and His are the only ones that matter in the end, a lie is the same as murder. Lust is the same as adultery. Homosexuality is a sin. The word used to describe it in the bible is "detestable". The act of homosexuality, in God's eyes, is detestable. That being said, though not CLEARLY stated in exact words, the Bible also says that divorce is a sin. "Therefore, what God has joined together, let no man separate." That's black and white. God joins us in marriage. It is not our prerogative to tear apart what He Himself has decreed to be "one". It may not clearly say "hey, humans, just for your information, divorce is sinful.", but it is extremely clear where our Father stands on the issue. The Bible isn't an opinion. It doesn't say "It's up to you to interpret what is wrong and what isn't." Those things are in black and white. The law, as seen in God's eyes, is laid down right there. It isn't up for debate. We don't pick and choose what parts we want to follow and what parts we don't. They are all the same to Him. They are all detestable. That being said, we are ALL sinners. Not one of us on this planet has clean hands. We have all told a lie. We have all lusted after someone. We have all reveled in sin at one point or another. There is no justification in it, but it is the sad truth. There is no way to become clean but through Him. That is what separates the saved from the not. His blood continually cleanses us. Notice the word. Cleanses. To be clean is very different from being sterile. Sterility is something that has not yet been contaminated. Jesus, in a sense, could be considered sterile. The definition of "cleanse" is "to become clean". Something that is cleansed has already been contaminated. The dirt and the filth have been wiped away, maybe sanitized. It looks a whole lot better, even smells better. But something that was once contaminated and has been cleaned is not considered sterile. He cleanses us. He doesn't make us sterile. We are still contaminated with the urge to sin. We are still contaminated with human wants, desires, and actions. We are all subject to mistakes. That is why his blood continually cleanses-because we continually sin. Even the saved. His love is our saving grace. His mercy is what cleanses us. That isn't to say that since we are all sinners, that our mistakes are excusable and thanks to his grace, we can continue to masquerade as Christians while willfully and purposefully sinning. His love saves us. And just like in a relationship, when we come into contact with a love THAT strong, and we make it our priority to show how thankful we are for said love, our actions begin to change. Loving Him, and knowing His love for us will change a person. For a long time-close to eight years-I did not step foot into a church because of the hypocrisy of some establishments and some people. Because of human mistakes, I saw God as something other than who He is. Through the love that I share with my husband, I have been able to better see who God REALLY is-Don't you see that THIS is the point of our human relationships? To better see Him. He knew that our limited understandings could not grasp his exponential love for us. So he allows us a glimpse of it in our relationships with others. I would do anything for the people I love-some people phrase it as "I would take a bullet for them." Unfortunately, some things are just not within my ability. So when I think about that, I think about how much my ability to love is multiplied when it comes to His ability to love, and I realize that nothing is outside of his reach-He DID do whatever it took to convince us of His love-even sacrificing His own life. Through Him, and only Him, are we made new. And with that, comes a responsibility to love other people the same way He has shown us love. We say that some people don't deserve love-neither do we. But He gave it anyways. So should we. There is a big difference in judging another with condemnation in our eyes, and judging another with love-and THAT is where I feel like a lot of Christians have trouble. It is hard to walk that line. God DOES judge. He doesn't do it for condemnation purposes. He does it out of love. We should do the same. There is no one but Him holier than anyone. So remember when you point, that it opens you up to be pointed at as well. And that's okay. I do not get upset with my friends and family for pointing out that there is a smudge on my face, or that something is stuck in my teeth-and why should I? They are being helpful and pointing out what is so obviously out of place. So why, then are we so quick to point out a flaw in someone else's character, but refuse to see the flaws in our own. THAT is the difference between judging with condemnation and judging with love. He judges with love. So should we. Hate the sin, love the sinner. It is okay to tell someone, "Hey, friend. I love you, but I feel like what you are doing is wrong. I'm not going to try to curb your rights as a person. I'm not going to force you to submit to Him. I'm letting you know where He stands, therefore where I stand, and only you can make your decision. I'm going to love you anyways. I'm here." That's what He does. He doesn't force us to submit to Him. He tells us where He stands. He demonstrates His love. And He allows us to take part in that relationship if we so choose. The problem today is that so many people see God as a ruler in a heiarchy-and that blinds them. Pride hears the word "submit" and it immediately starts shaking it's head and repetitively saying "no". Yes, He is our king. But he is also our Father, our Abba, our Yahweh. We treat our parents with respect, love, and reverence. He is THE parent. The Father. We are his children. The difference is that when a parent says "no" or "not now", they are doing what they FEEL is right for us. God is doing what He KNOWS is right. People praise their parents every day. Why can't we praise Him? Children submit to parents-why can't we submit to the ultimate Father? I got off my main point for writing this-but I think it all ties in. When we learn to love like Him, we learn to see people the way He does. We learn how to step back and let God be God. We learn the difference between condemning and loving. We learn.
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