November 20, 2010

"I've been waiting for my dreams
to turn into something that I could believe in.
And looking for that magic rainbow
On the horizon, I couldn't see it,
Until I let go, gave into love
watched all the bitterness burn."

It's definitely been a while. I can't say that I've really been in a writing mood in the past few months. I kind of overwhelmed myself with school and work and things got bad there for a bit. I start the adult high school on Monday. I'm pretty disappointed in myself, but I honestly don't think I would have passed my classes. Situations change sometimes, and I have to learn to adapt. I'm trying to remember that. Some days it works better than others. I honestly hate being a manager at work. If I could afford it, I'd go back to being a hop. Ah well. Only eight more months. Thanksgiving is in a week. Then comes Christmas. I really miss grandma. I wish she were here to see everything. She used to love the Christmas lights. I've got a lot to be thankful for this year. I think I'm going to church on Christmas. I'm a little scared, but I don't want to tell Derek that. I just don't know if I'm ready yet. I want to be. I'm the one that suggested it. I just feel like it's something I need to do. I'm still getting those small bouts of the depression. I try to keep it away from everyone else. I'm pretty sure Dad thinks it's gone. I still get up out of bed every day. And MOST days, I am genuinely happy. It's just those random days where all I want to do is cry and stay in bed. I don't let myself though. I have been sleeping a bit better. I'm pretty impatient for the next year or two. I'm scared, but I'm more excited than scared. Lately, I've been overt hinking a lot of things. That's something that needs to stop. I love being roommates with Miranda. We get along great for the most part. I don't know that there's much else to say. I do know that I have to pee. So I guess I'll get off here. Til next time, online journal thing. (: