November 8, 2009

I'm not really sure what to say. My brother and I have created this...chasm between us. I don't know how to fill it back up. I don't know if we can. That scares the crap out of me. Matt's back from drills. I missed him a lot this weekend. I'm not really sure why. I spent the weekend working and cleaning, but aside from what happened with Ryan, it wasn't half bad. I start my second job Tuesday. I'm hoping this'll help me get everything caught up and some money saved. I need that so bad right now. I'd really like to spend some time with Matt for a while so I think I'm gonna keep this short.

October 22, 2009

10.21.09. 10:59pm

RIP Barbera Monnett.

Grandma, you were an amazing person. You taught me when to stand up for myself and when to keep my mouth closed. I can't believe you've been taken so soon, but I'm so glad you're not in pain anymore. You fought so long and I know you didn't give up. You were the worlds greatest grandma. I wish I would've told you more how much you mean to me and how much you've made a difference in my life. You were so strong, everyday of your life. You always went against the odds. I can't explain how I'm feeling without you right now, but it helps to know you're at peace. You're always in my heart and I won't do anything without thinking of you. I love you so much&I'm going to miss you.

October 19, 2009

I am officially the worst at keeping up with writing. I'm not really sure why. I just forget sometimes. Last night, I was just sitting there with Paige and I started thinking about Matt. We have plenty of problems sometimes, but not as much as we used to. I'm so proud of him as a soldier and as a person. It really makes me smile to think of him anymore. He's nothing less than amazing to me, even on the days I don't deserve it. I found a bunch of quotes and I just wanted to post them up here. A few of them are funny;they're about being a military girlfriend. I'm proud to be one, especially to him. More than that, I'm lucky.

They look ordinary,
They lace up just the same.
But its not the boots that matter.
Its the soldier in the boots,
That means the world to me.

Hugging your soldier goodbye or hello can be one of two opposite experiences: the most terrifying gut wrenching saddest moments of your life. or the overwhelming happiness that your soldier is home. saying hello to your soldier when he comes home from deployment is the most indescribable happiest moments you will ever experience.

"Missing someone gets easier everyday because even though you are one day further from the last time you saw them, you are one day closer to the next time you will."

"What you don't know is that I know love on an entirely different level from most. I know the love that spans time and space; that love that most people are constantly searching for. I'm one of the girls who waits months for a single kiss; a kiss that will make the months apart worth every second. A kiss where everything in the world stops and for what seems like eternity, you can see into that person's soul and know that without them, life is not worth living. You tell me, I'm too young to be "so in love"; I know that love has no age limit. You tell me I don't even understand what love is, I tell you "I know more love in one homecoming than most know in a life time". You don't know that every time he leaves part of me goes with him and part of him stays with me. You tell me that people change and I tell you "true love with always remains constant and steady". You tell me, I'm too young to be married, I tell you "and I'm too in love to not be". You tell me you know how I feel and that you understand what I'm going through; you have no idea. What you don't realize is that I understand the true meaning of not only love, but of longing and anticipation."

"Military relationships are the product of many tears born both in happiness and despair, nights alone wondering where he is, if he's safe. It's looking at pictures, knowing that's the only way I can see his face, calling my voice mail to hear his voice, and not washing his clothes until they've lost his scent. But it's all worth it in the end, because I know I have one of the purest loves in the world because my Soldier truly knows the meaning of Honor, Courage, and Commitment, not only to the U.S. Army, but to me. And that makes everything worthwhile."

"You don't know, but I'm the girl who cries every morning, and hopes every night for his safe return. I'm the girl who drags herself out of bed every morning so that he will be proud of her when he comes home. I'm the girl who lies in bed longing for him to be lying next to me. I'm the girl who sits quietly during class because all I can think about is that next moment when he will safely be in my arms again. You don't know, but I'm the girl with a million things to say, but not one will come out without the thought of him. I'm the girl who checks my cell phone every five seconds just to make sure I haven't missed his call. I'm the girl who stops and stares and wishes for him to return soon each and every time another man in uniform walks by."

If you're not in love with a soldier, you can't know adventure. You don't know smelly gray PT uniforms that require a daily washing. You can't understand green and brown camouflaged bags flooding your bedroom floor.
If you're not in love with a soldier, you can't understand the meaning of the phrase "going to the field" and the weeks you spend away from each other.
If you're not in love with a soldier, you can never imagine the hole in your heart when that phone call comes? "Honey, I am leaving tomorrow to go overseas. I don't know how long I will be gone or exactly where I am going, but I want you to know that I love you - always!"
If you're not in love with a soldier, you don't know what it's like to say that final good-bye. You don't know what it really means to be glued to the television. You don't understand fear and you can't possibly understand the sleepless nights of endless crying wondering if you will ever see the love of your life alive again.
If you're not in love with a soldier, you can't know the immense joy, the uncontrollable smile, or the butterflies in your stomach when you see your soldier march into the family waiting area upon redeployment. You can't understand the self-control it takes to stand on the other side of the room as some higher-up gives a seemingly endless welcome home speech while all the soldiers stand in formation. You don't know what it's like to have that second first kiss or what it's like to experience puppy love all over.
If you're not in love with a soldier, you can't truly understand how to make every moment count because you never know when that phone call may come again.
If you're not in love with a soldier, you can never really understand how very delicate life is!

"Why do I do it? Because nights alone aren't permanent. Missing him reminds me that I'm lucky to have someone to miss because I am not afraid to make sacrifices for true love."

I am a military girlfriend. I hold no formal recognition with the powers that be I am at the bottom of the chain. I hold no Military ID card; I am not a dependent or a parent. The man I love may face unspeakable dangers and I am at the mercy of those who possess this recognition for news. I understand this and accept this.
I have promised to be here for him upon his return no matter how long he is away. They may say I am insane for making such a commitment, but I hold onto our promises and have faith that he will come home safe. I know well that my love for him fuels him in the worst of times.
There is no ring on my finger to symbolize our commitment, though I love him no less for it. I hope every day that he will be able to call because a simple 30-second phone call can bring the greatest spectrum of emotions smiling with tears in my eyes from so much joy and pain. My relationship is based on a brief communication where I love you and I’m okay speaks more than volumes and gives me the strength to keep going.
I take mo moment spent together for granted. I hold onto every touch, caress, kiss, and every word. I have memorized the feel of his skin, his smell, the sound of his voice and I play it over and over in my mind so that I will not forget. I cry myself to sleep some nights because missing him hurts so badly, but wake up the next morning, brush myself off and start a new day.
If you think being a soldier is tough, try loving one.
If you think soldiers are strong, you should look at their girls.

"What I have with him is worth it. It is worth every lonely night, every tear I cry from missing him and the pain I feel from not having him close. It is worth it because he is my one and only. When I picture myself years from now, I see only him. No matter how painful distance can be, not having him in my life would be so much worse!"

"Screw the shining armor-I'll take my man in dirty camo!"

October 14, 2011

I'm not good at keeping up with things;
Which is why it's been a few days. :D We're playing in a tournament right now so I've been pretty tired every day. Tommy and Paige got married! Yay them. School's going really good, actually. I'm also on my second period this month...weird, I know. I pulled a muscle in my thigh. Doc says if I just have time to rest, everything will heal. Let's hope he's right. Lol. Well, long day tomorrow so I'm gonna head to bed. :] Here's to hoping we beat East and West tomorrow. :]

October 11, 2009

I was definitely too tired to type last night. The wedding was amazing. Paige was absolutely stunning and Tommy looked great in his dress blues. His face when he saw her was priceless. The reception was gorgeous as well. It also got Matt talking about a wedding, which kind of scares me but I'll get past that. After the wedding we wound up at Maria's house for Tyler's birthday party. I fell asleep pretty early. In about ten minutes Matt and I are going to start cleaning our room and going through our things. We have a lot of clutter. I work at five so I guess I've got to get offline and get busy. :D Let's hope for another good day.

October 9, 2009

Today was pretty busy, but I couldn't be happier for Tommy and Paige. I can't wait to see them get married tomorrow. She's currently asleep on my couch with her sister(she's been really worn out the past couple of days.) And I'm fixing to head to bed myself. I got my nails done today. The lady that did them is amazing. I've never had them done this well before. I actually have girl hands! Haha. Most of the time I'm too busy to even take care of my hands. The rehearsal dinner went well. The church is really small, but nice. I felt a little uncomfortable there being that I'm athiest but it was alright. Tomorrow I'm waking up at eight to make sure Paige is up, sending her off to her mani/pedi appointment at nine, heading over to pick up Ashlei and then Nicole, and then going to get my hair done around eleven. Then it's Nicole's hair as soon as mine is finished. We're meeting around two to do make-up. Pictures at the church at four and then the wedding at six. After that is the reception and after the reception is my friend's birthday party. So tomorrow's going to be interesting. Speaking of which, I should get some sleep. :D

October 8, 2009

We had our last game of the season, besides the tournament. It was also my coach's last game, besides the tournament. She's not returning to us next year. We all played absolutely amazing, took them to five games. We've never played to five games before. We lost in the last little bit, but I'm still so proud. I could never explain how much. We played as a team, something we've struggled with all season. I have no doubt we could win the tournament next week. Volleyball means so much to me. I'm at Tommy's house with most of his wedding party. They're all drinking and being that I'm straight-edge, it means that I'm babysitting. Lol. So not much else happening. Things are good right now. Let's hope they stay that way.

October 7, 2009

Today wasn't that great. I don't wanna complain much;it just didn't go well. I'm disappointed that today turned out this way. Maybe tomorrow will be better. Game tomorrow and I'm hoping for a win. Second place, here we come! :D All next week is a tournament. Woot. I'm glad the season's coming to a close though. It's a relief because I'll have more time and I'll be able to work more. I need both, one for my sanity and the other so I'll be able to pay my bills. Welp, it's laundry and shower time. This is to hoping for a better day. :]

October 6, 2009

Yesterday I had a game and was way too tired to use the computer. So I'll just ramble for today. :] Well, yesterday I woke up in a pretty sour mood because I jammed my thumb Sunday afternoon and it took me 25 minutes longer than usual to get ready for school. But as the day went on, it got better. Matt's been amazing and yesterday I realized that even after two years, we're still in love. That's an amazing feeling&&I hope it never goes away. We had a game at Cherokee where we kicked ass. It was our last home game&&I think we did amazing. Came home and watched an episode of One Tree Hill with Matt, and then fell asleep watching Hotel For Dogs. Woke up today in a reasonably better mood. School was alright. I went to a college fair this morning and it gave me a lot of new schools to consider. Preferably I'd like a smaller school with close to a 16:1 student to teacher ratio. I want more one on one time because I'll feel more comfortable in that learning environment. Practice was alright;;Holly is an amazing coach. I'm really going to miss her next year. Came home and ate dinner and went to my dad's to discuss college with him. He gave me a few more choices and told me to keep my options open. I'm glad I have the kind of relationship with him that I do. He's one of my closest friends. Now I'm just relaxing and hoping my thumb heals. I know my postings so far have seemed like everything's perfect. It's not, but I'm learning that happy is a great place to be. Even if today sucks and nothing goes right, I've got so many things to look at and be thankful for. I'm a lucky person. Tomorrow I have school and practice until five thirty and then my grandma's birthday. She's a strong woman and I'm glad that I've gotten to know her all these years. She's survived so much, from cancer to diabetes. She's just amazing. I'm glad she's still here. Thursday is our last home game. We play Morristown East. It's going to be beyond difficult but I believe we're a better team than we started out as. We'll do great. Friday is a nail appointment and a rehearsal dinner. :D And then Saturday two of my very best friends are choosing to say their wedding vows. I think they'll be an amazing husband and wife. They're both amazing people. He's a marine and she's in college. They've made such a difference in my life and they've been there for me and Matt both when we were having problems. I can't wait to see them start their life together. It shows me that real love is out there and possible. High school relationships can work. They do every day. I'm blessed to have all of this. I'm blessed for my family, who at times isn't whole, but is everything I could need. A mom and a dad don't make a family even though it's a nice idea. For me it's a brother and an amazing father who back me in every decision and are there regardless of bad choices. I love them. I'm bless to have Matt. He's more than I could ever put into words. Two years and counting. He makes me happier every day. My friends, too are more than I can put into words. I don't think our group could ever stray far from each other. We've all come so far together and apart. Everything, for me, is right here, within me and within these people.
:]

October 4, 2009

Look up and smile. :D Today's been pretty good so far.
My best friend came back into town and surprised everyone. He's in the marines and he was in Florida. He gets married in 6 days. We didn't think he'd be in til Friday. I don't know what it is about the people I've become friends with, but everyone being here, home, together just makes me happy. I love it&&I miss it. Everyone's growing up and we hardly get the chance to all be together anymore. Military and college is starting to take over. But everyone's home this week. I'm happy.
Life's okay. I'm finding myself more every day.
I'm...happy.
Wow...I'm happy,
I want to repeat that over and over.

October 3, 2009

Today is my first day on here. I'll see how I like it.
I guess I'll just talk.
Today was alright. Woke up and ate an amazing breakfast;;visited my aunt for about an hour, and went to work. Which is actually a pretty decent day for me.
Work was hilarious;;my job sucks but I love the people i work with.
So it was a good day,
We'll see about tomorrow.